Wow, sometimes I'm not even sure why I even have a blog.
Days just go by so quickly and sometimes I panic because I feel like I will turn around and not realize how I got there.
The last month and half has been a big blur of memorial services, outtings, barbeques, work and family meetings.
For those of you who don't know, my parents are going through some financial difficulties so there has been many e-mails and late night meetings with my siblings. One thing Matt and I have really started to understand, in a very sanctifying manner, is that our bodies are just not what it used to be.
In college, there were many nights where you play until 11pm, and then "real work" begins at midnight with writing papers and studying for exams well into the morning. Then you sleep for 3 or 4 hours, go to class, and the same process takes place again. I loved those days, relished those days where time were spent and dare I say it, "wasted" on meaningless endeavors that eventually became found memories. Now we realize if we had the same schedule, the next day we wake up and our bodies react as if it has been hit by a bus. For example: Matt and I had a wonderful marathon of "Heroes" due to an unexpected registeration for instant Netflix. It's wonderful. With a click of a button you get access to thousands of different shows. The marathon consisted of 13 glorious consecutive episodes which proceeded until 4am on Sunday morning. Then because you make the most genius decisions during an energy depraved state, we decided to go to church by 9am the same morning. Now mind you, we live 30 minutes away from church, and it takes us 30 minutes to get ready. Conclusion: we had about 4 hours of sleep, proceeded to walk a zombie- like state of consciousness into our church service and attempted to have a normal sunday filled with purposeful activities. Monday morning- it was PHYSICALLY painful to wake up. It literally felt like I was forcing my mind and body to wake up from a drug induced state of sleep.
Now being a little older you think that we would be wiser with our time, but alas laziness and self-pleasure through leisurely activities takes priority over actions that will actually have direct benefit to our lives. I have been convicted however, through the recent weeks, that time is a precious thing and I need to realize that I have a holy God to answer to when I die.
What will I say during judgment time in how I stewarded all the gifts, including time, that He has blessed me with?
I think I've attended around 20 to 25 memorial services since I started my job in 2006. Many of them have been deaths involving long term sickeness, and lives that were long and filled with many accomplishments. But there were also many young deaths, unexpected deaths, deaths where there were more grief about the lack of the life lived than the life they left.
A guilty conscious stabs at me during those services, because it is ultimately pride in how I spend my time, which again I need to remind myself is a gift.
